Drawing by Janine Carnihan*
Some goals: To connect more deeply with others. To communicate authentic messages. To reveal enough of yourself to be truly seen. To be open enough yourself to let others feel truly seen and heard by you. To create a circle around you of genuine, caring humans, and to be a part of that circle for others…
Be a reader of faces, a watcher of body language. Read more into things, because there always is more. Be a seeker of agendas, read between the lines. Listen to the pauses. Ask the hard questions. Be ready to hear the answers. Intuit. Look people in the eye, because that is the window to the soul. Connect, deeply. See people, love people, hug people. Share energy. Stir the negative ions for a positive effect…
Reach out. Share your story. Ask others to share their story. Care enough to hear their stories, and respond…not just to the synopsis of the story, but to each chapter.
Be an interpreter of signals. Watch for signs and roadblocks. When confronted with a roadblock, search for the cause: space, time, matter. Try to determine if it is temporary, and if construction is underway. If a roadblock seems permanent, turn and find another way. Either way, be at peace with the path you choose.
Be a scholar of personal maps. Paper maps are better than device maps, which only provide a pinpoint in space and time. Paper maps give the lay of the land; you can spread them out, tracing where a person has been, where they are now, where they are heading next…the surrounding terrain tells as much of the story as a point on the map.
Be a reader of stories. Yes, study the cover, because it is meant to represent the story, but remember there is always more to the story than the picture. Pay attention to the title, but remember that titles do not always fit, and can be exchanged or rewritten. Titles and pictures do not define the story. The story defines the story. It is the author’s job to tell the story, in a way that makes sense to at least some of the potential audience. It is the reader’s job to take the time to understand the story. If you don’t have time or care enough, don’t pick up the book.
Ask questions. When you ask questions, wait for the answers. If you don’t have time to wait for the answers, don’t ask. Listen to the response. Be ready to hear the answers, and when they come, give them weight. Think about how to respond. If you need more time to think, say so. If you don’t know how to respond, say so. Don’t gloss over things, don’t pretend you heard when you did not really hear, or were not really listening. If the answer is long and multi-faceted, like a diamond, examine each surface. Look for flaws, prisms, truths. When you respond, touch on each facet…they all work together to focus the light, and each and every part matters. People say things for a reason. Don’t discount the words, or the reasons behind the words.
Be a listener, not a fixer. You may believe yourself to be a book of knowledge, an expert reader, an author of note. But every person has their own story, their own map of a life, their own goals and itinerary and circumstances. Give advice if and when asked, share a story if relevant, but don’t hijack the story, or hold the storyteller hostage. Don’t make the mistake of thinking your story is more interesting or more important than theirs.
Look for circles of light, circles that you can connect with and believe in, circles in which each adjoining link has something to offer, is willing to offer, and is open to accepting what you have to offer. Reveal as much as you are able, so that you are relatable. Find equitable partnerships of sharing, connect in ways that are meaningful to you, meaningful to others.
Remember that you have much to offer, but not everyone wants what you have to offer. Not everyone wants to connect, or is able to reach out when offered a hand, or they may just not want yours. They may erect a roadblock between you and themselves. Search for a reason for the roadblock…it could be space and distance, timing, matters of circumstance, upbringing, habit, apathy, selfishness, character deficiencies. Not everyone is able to care, receive, connect. Not everyone wants to. If a roadblock seems temporary, be patient. If a roadblock appears permanent, turn around. Dead ends give us the opportunity to retrace our steps, and see things from another perspective. If you look back, and the roadblock is still there, be at peace with turning around.
Know that there are many other roads, many other circles. Take the roads that point toward affirmation and love and reciprocity, leading with your heart, trailing peace in small waves that lap the shore gently as you pass.
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This is an expanded version of a post to Facebook on August 13, 2016, “A Goal: Be a Reader of Faces…”
*I waited four months for a response from the Picasso Estate administrators for permission to use The Weeping Woman, and finally gave up. When I asked Janine if she had anything I could use, she had this to me in a matter of hours…if you want to contact Janine, email me at gypsymuser@gmail.com
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