Ponderings

My whole life, I have made New Year’s resolutions. They are like anyone else’s, I’m sure: Lose twenty pounds, exercise every day, cut the sugar, add the fiber, try to be more punctual. And like most people, I do not keep them. Last year, I decided to keep it simple, and so my one resolution was to use my electric toothbrush for the recommended full two minutes, rather than the 27 seconds I had been allotting. By February, my teeth felt like they were covered in raw nerve endings, and my dentist advised me to back off, way off, as I was on my way to receding gums. So much for good intentions… Continue Reading

Driving home from work last night, I was thinking about what I was grateful for this Thanksgiving. As the answers came, and there were many, each one was tinged with guilt. I have so much to be grateful for that the abundance is embarrassing, and saying out loud all that I am thankful for makes me uncomfortable.

I have been looking at all of the social media posts from people expressing their thankfulness for their children and loved ones. It’s all very nice, and I also am thankful for those things. Most people are also grateful for their spouses, but one hopes that they are grateful for the right reasons. Most people say they are grateful for their parents. I am grateful for mine, and grateful that they are still alive. But then I start to examine whether my actions throughout the rest of the year support those words, and if I am being truthful, I have to admit that they do not. So I feel guilty. I begin to doubt myself…if family comes first, why am I still at work at 10:00 at night? If I am thankful for my parents, why do I get so impatient with them? Why don’t I help them more? Why am I not a better sister, mother, wife, friend? Suddenly, my recitation of what I am grateful for sounds hollow. If I open that door a crack, I am afraid the flood will drown me… Continue Reading

As I try to wake up in the morning, as if arising from the dead, I like to lie in bed for a while and read. If no book is handy, I will reach for my phone, and scroll through the social media posts. I like to see which of my fellow night owls were up late, and what thoughts that were hatched in the dark are floating through to the morning… Continue Reading

“Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder.” This quote is frequently used as a come-back of sorts, usually as the last word in a discussion of aesthetics. If one person comments that an object is unattractive, then the opposing last word is often this retort, in which lies the inherent argument that we each can have our own definition of what is beautiful, and we do not have to agree… Continue Reading

“In fourteen hundred ninety-two, Columbus sailed the ocean blue.” (Sing along now, the Columbus Day Song! Sung to the tune of Farmer in the Dell!) “He had three ships and left from Spain; he sailed through sunshine, wind and rain….October 12 their dream came true, you never saw a happier crew! ‘Indians! Indians!’ Columbus cried; his heart was filled with joyful pride… Continue Reading